Intro

I decided to write this blog because a book deal seems pretty far fetched. Here's the deal, I got divorced in October 2010 and let's just say that life has been pretty interesting and comical ever since. I had no idea what being single was like. Basically, I went from always being single and not knowing any different to serious relationships and then marriage. So here I am in my late 20's starting over in the dating world. Let me tell you, it's scary out there! It seems like about twice a week something happens and I say "That's it! I'm writing a book." I've already accumulated so many stories in the last six months such as the time I was mortally embarrassed in front of a certain Russian McSteamy or when I was kissing everyone in the streets of Tybee on Mardi Gras. I'm not going to hit you with them all now. This is my attempt to capture my new found journey into singlehood. So sit back and enjoy the ridiculousness. I have a feeling it's going to be going on for a while.

Online Dating Websites:

About a month ago, I decided it would be a good idea to join Match.com. One of my friends hit the Match jackpot and met a cute, successful Marine/lawyer. So I thought, "Why not? What would it hurt?" I came to learn a few things about myself: 

A) I'm very picky when it comes to men. (Don't like you if you are too skinny or too big. Can't be too handsome or too ugly...etc...etc...it goes on and on.)

B) I'm terrible at writing about myself.

C) Small talk with strangers is not a strong point of mine.

I also established several rules and criteria that someone must meet before I am interested. You must pass the picture test first. No pictures can be taken in the bathroom mirror by your camera phone. C'mon! That's the best picture you have of yourself?!? Also, no shirtless pictures. It's dumb. I've recently had to add a new rule. No posing in coffins that are in the back of pickup trucks. It's true. Can't make this stuff up. Once you pass the picture test, I go to the height portion of the profile. You've got to be over 5'9. I know, it's terrible and shallow. But that's the way it is. I've tried going the short guy route and I'm just not a good enough person to overlook it. Also can't be a smoker. So then I move on to the About Me section of the profile. If it's too long, I lose interest. If it's full of misspelled words, I think you are not very bright. If you pass all of those tests, then congratulations! I might not completely ignore you if you were to send a message.

There is a feature on Match that lets you look at the people who have looked at your profile. Imagine my surprise when I'm scrolling through those people and up pops my ex-husband! My jaw dropped. Why in the world was he looking at my profile?!? Was he not aware of the fact that I would know? Why is he even on Match? Ugh! I had to take a shower to get the oogey feeling off of me that came with knowing he was looking at my profile. My little sister said I should immediately cancel my subscription if they matched us together (thankfully, they have not matched me with him). She also said I should join PlentyOfFish.com. Which brings me to my next and favorite story.

PlentyOfFish was free so again I thought "Why not? What would it hurt?" So I sign up. If you aren't familiar with pof.com just think of it as Match's slutty, trashy cousin who is addicted to meth. My first message was from marriedman7691 asking if I wanted him to be my "part time daddy". Awesome, great start! But wait, it gets better. Received this message recently: "I think that we are like minded people. Would you like to go out with me, have some fun, and get to know each other?" For starters, this guy looks like Kip from Napoleon Dynamite only with dark hair. I was curious as to what made him think we were "like minded" so I took a look at his profile. Here's what I found:

Profession: Rich person

For: Intimate Encounter

Interests: just about anything if I get to have sex afterwards

About Me: I would like to have some sex. If you are a woman that I might like to have sex with lets hang out. Maybe we could do other things beside sex something too.. but for right now I just want to have sex and get to know you.. I have found that sex is the one of the best ways to get to know a woman.

First Date: First I would like to have sex. Then whatever you want to do would be way more fun because I just had sex and I am in a much better mood.

How in the world did he know how like minded we were? I was convinced I was hiding how I truly felt.